déjà vu

this morning i woke up in my room—in my room at home. i'm still waiting to actually wake up. this can't be real. i've dreamt this too many times to not wake up to a cold dusty room in italy. sooner or later it'll either hit me that i'm actually home or that this is the most elaborate dream i've ever had.
i never knew it was possible for someone to idolize an event like this. when i think of someone worshiping an idol, i think of someone going crazy over kurt cobain, or even buying the nicest newest subs for their car and thinking they're the deal. never this. i've been thinking about being home for so long that not waking up from the dream seems more unreal than dreaming.
now that i'm home, i'm appreciating everything i see. i take different routes driving home—just because i can. i guess the one last thing that i've learned from the experience of italy is carpe diem. while i want to be anywhere but italy right now, i know some day i'll miss some of the things i experienced there. i might even wish i wasn't spending my time longing for home. ah well. the grass is always greener...